David's Self-Stigma Kept Him from Talking about Substance Use

As a young gay person growing up in northern Utah, David didn't feel like he fit in.

As a young gay person growing up in northern Utah, David didn’t feel like he fit in. He used substances to cope, and they felt critical to his survival. “To be honest with you, alcohol—probably alcohol—coming out, leaving, individuating... those things were instrumental in my survival.”

David judged himself for having a substance use disorder (SUD). “The judgment and the persecution actually came from within,” he says. “The condemnation came from me.” Also, David’s job as a CEO prevented him from speaking out about his SUD. “The worst of it was feeling ashamed, feeling that I had to conceal my drinking,” he says.

Self-stigma happens when people internalize society’s stereotypes and experience low self-esteem. The shame—and the hiding—reminded David of another of his life experiences. “I was concealing a part of myself, just as when I was in the closet. There was quite a bit of shame, secrecy, juggling two, three lives at the same time.”

David decided to seek treatment for his SUD, but he was anxious about telling his supervisors and his team. “When I made that decision, just huge relief, huge relief came from me. And I realized I don’t have to do this anymore. I had to tell the corporate people who I worked for, I had to tell all my staff.” It reminded David of his experience coming out, and the outcomes of that decision in his life. “There's a lot of gambling when it comes to those things. You realize being true and living a singular respectable life is more important.”

In his recovery, David is making an impact. He runs an organization that creates spaces without judgment or stigma for people with SUD. “Every once in a while, I’ll run into somebody who thanks me. Those little glimpses of evidence that I’ve done something worthwhile, that keeps me going.”